It's rare enough to find treasures lying about like that, even tacky ones. I'll put it in a drawer when I get home and probably not think of it again for years.
I knew it! I knew there were houses around these parts. Well, that's that then. I'll call in, ask very politely if they'd mind giving me a lift to the hospital, I'll get myself checked out on the grounds that I'm going mad and waking up outside, find out just what in the hell is wrong with me and get myself sorted out. Also, until all is well, I'll stubbornly believe that it'll be as straightforward as that.
At some point, I can probably wheedle a coffee or two out of this schedule I've devised. Yes, this is a good plan.